A Wishful Thinker……

All this talk about kida make me think about my parents and me.

I think my parents did a great job raising my brother and me. They did it all with little help form the rest of the family as we lived on different countries for so long. I know I don’t get along with them sometimes, and we tend to disagree on everything, but I think my brother and I turned out ok. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents no matter how annoying and controlling they get. But sometimes it feels like I’m the black sheep. My brother and my mum get along really well. They have very similar personalities and even mimic each other in their bad habits and level of being annoying. Dad and I get along well, I think because he trusts that I know what I’m doing, and because he and I have more in common. Mum and me on the other hand. We clash at just about everything. Sometimes I think its because she wants me to be more like her, and because I’m not, she tries to change that. Which really ticks me off. So I go do something to get back at her. Something I know she doesn’t like me doing. I know I shouldn’t, but when she pisses me off, I go into angry mode and its autopilot from there. But then there are other times when I look back on the stuff she tells me and I realised she and I have a little bit more in common than I’d think. I find it frustrating then that she doesn’t seem to understand what she’s trying to make me do is what she herself didn’t want to do when she was my age.

There are also the times when she makes me responsible for the crap my brother gets into. I’m not in charge of the kid. He does what he wants, and she of all people should know this. He stopped listening to me since he was 13. Prior to that, yes were close. But then he got to high school and things just changed. He didn’t have time for me, and I didn’t have time for him. So when he goes out and stays out late, I’m sure he is fine. I don’t get why she insists on waiting up for him. Or me either. Yes he did get into a lot of crap late last year. But I also know that he wasn’t the one to start it. It was just a wrong time, wrong place thing. Things will happen, but she can’t stop every bad thing from happening, and staying up to wait for him then blaming me when he doesn’t get home by a certain time does not help. >.<

Lately she’s been a little bit better in that I’ll go out most weekends and she hasn’t really complained. Its just easier than staying home to hear her complain about how I didn’t do something again this time. But not by much. She’s seems to be watching me really closely lately. She waited up for me the other night. I think this is more because of my idiot brother. I know that if I go out, and she’s on her alert mode, I should get home earlier. Other times I can stay out longer. He on the other hand, continues to come home at 6am or whatever, and then I get woken up by my mum who is freaking out that he still hasn’t come home yet. >.<

Dad on the other hand has a different objective. He hates us going out, only because he gets annoyed that we rather spend time with our friends than him. LOL. When I went to stay at Vnt’s sister’s place the other day, he was like. “Yeah, yeah. Go. What do you care about me anyways. I’m too boring for you.” Hehehe!!! I think dad knows me well enough to know that yes I do things which he would rather not know about, but I have limits and I know where these boundaries are.

Yes. I’m being emo. But like a certain someone else… its happening soon too. >.<

Things in my life seem to come in waves. Started with the wave of friends who decided to move away…. then the wave of friends and family who got married…. now the wave has progressed to having babies. This makes me think of me and babies. I mean these people are the ones I grew up with, it reflects on me! :S

One of my closest friend from high school is having her baby in a few months. I’m so excited for her! I’m helping with the decorations for her baby shower. I’ve received instructions that there is to be no pink items as she’s having a little boy. Personally, I think that is perfect for her. She’s the one who although growing up with only a sister, introduced me to the world of sports and cars. Hehehe! Though I think it needs to be said… I still don’t understand cricket and AFL. Its just never gonna happen. Lets just face that.

Looking back, the past year has been full of births amongst my family and friends. Some of them I have to question, as I really don’t think having a baby at this present moment for them is the best idea, but then they seem to be doing ok. At least it appears so. *shrugs* But then there are the others who I see with their babies, and I know they will definitely be fantastic parents. Those kids are lucky to have them for parents.

Everytime I think of having kids, I freak out. All those things you need to be responsible for, all that time you need to invest in them. I don’t know if I’d be able to hack that. Then there is the trivial matters. When I play with my nieces and nephews, they start crying, or pooping/peeing/vomiting, and I panic and give them back to their mummies. I can’t say that I hate kids, because some of them are quite cute, but I can’t say I find my self wanting one either. I adore my nieces and nephews. And little kids seem to like me. I know this because sometimes, when I’m at work, I turn around and there is a little kid following me. I do not know where they come from, and I need to find their parents and return them. But then like I said, I don’t want to keep them.

My friends once told me I’d be a good mum. Really? Because when my niece was staying with me. She had moments when she really s*** me off. I told her off, and she got cranky at me and she informed me she didn’t like me. To which I told her,”Yeah? Well you’re not my favourite person right now either. Now shoo.” She would not talk to me for the rest of the day. It wasn’t until later when we were out at dinner that she started talking to me again. I think it was because I got her chocolate. I know I probably traumatized the kids in my family a few times too. I do things to them for my own amusement. Things like when they are babies, I give them an orange. Its what made me realised that giving them lemons would work even better! Or…. when I put a giant bowl of ice cream in front of them. All the toppings you could want. Then tell them they can’t eat it until I get back. Then they can have half. Then I’ll go out of the room and watch them think and squirm. Or the time I told my brother when he was three that the monster in the toilet that ate poo sometimes gets hungry and would climb out to bite your butt while you’re on the toilet as he got a little too excited. Poor kid would only use the potty for months after that. Or the time I hid in the dark room and when my niece got home, and ran to my room, I jumped out screaming RAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! at her from under the bed.

Here’s me when I was a kid. Hehehe! The others were mostly of me and my crackers/cookies.